Other narrations indicate that she is more likely to be pleased by a man and less likely to be devious and deceiving. Once, when Jaabir (R) married an older and previously married woman, the Prophet (PBH) said to him: "Why not a virgin?  You could have played with her and she with you".

The scholars have stressed that this good attribute applies to the husband just as it applies to the wife. One of them wrote:  "Similarly, it is preferred for a person not to marry his daughter except to a virgin man if she has never been married before". Umar bin Al-Khattab (R) once heard about a woman who was married to an elderly man and he said:   " O people, fear Allah and marry a man to a woman who is similar to him and marry a woman to a man who is similar to her ".

Beauty

This characteristic has a certain role to play since one of the purposes of marriage is to keep both spouses from sins. The best way to do this is to have a strong attraction between the spouses. Although this is something which surely grows over time, initial impressions can in some cases become an obstacle to a successful marriage. The Prophet (PBH) separated 'Qais bin Shammas' from his wife in the famous case of Khul'a and her stated reason was that he was exceedingly displeasing to her. There are many Hadîth which urge the prospective spouse to get a look at the other before undertaking the marriage. Once a companion told him (PBH) that he was going to get married.  The Prophet (PBH) asked if he had seen her. When the man said no, he (PBH) said:  "Go and look at her for it is more likely to engender love between the two of you"  [Ahmad].

Umar bIn Al-Khattab (R) once said:  "Do not force your young girls to marry an ugly man, for they also love what you love".  Ibn 'abidîn (a famous Jurisprudent from last century) said:  "The woman should choose a man who is religious, of good character, generous and of sufficient wealth. She should not marry an evildoer. A person should not marry his young daughter to an old man and an ugly man but he should marry her to one similar".

Beauty has its role, but remember that it is way down on the priority list under piety, character and religion.  When a person puts beauty above all else, the results can be disastrous.  This is one of the big reasons that young people seeking to get married must be helped by more mature family members in making their choice.

Looking at a Prospective Spouse

The Prophet (PBH) encouraged men considering marriage to a particular woman to get a look at her.  He (PBH) said in another Hadîth: "If one of you proposes to a woman and if he is able to look at her that which motivates him to marry her, let him do so"  [Abu Daud.

Note that this Hadîth does not abrogate the limits of what a woman may expose to non-maharam (He who allowed to marry a woman). She must continue to be well covered all of her body in front of all of them and the prospective husband, even if he has proposed, is no exception to this. He allowed to take a good look at her face and her hand. It is only a recommended action when the marriage agreement depending on looking each other and actually he/her intends to marry. Otherwise, such a look remains forbidden. He remember the teaching of the Prophet (PBH) to Ali (R) about the look at a non-mahram woman:   " The first is for you, the second is against you ". Also, it is clear that the purpose of this look is very specific; to help one determine whether or not they would like to marry that person.  Once that has been determined and the decision has been made, it is no longer permissible for them to look at each other.  If a man and a woman decide that they want to marry each other, this does not make it allowed for them to continue to see each other. Until the moment the offer and acceptance of the marriage have been pronounced, there is no any kind of relationship between them and all of the laws regarding strange men and women still apply to them.

The Prophet (PBH) has forbidden for a man and a woman to be alone together.  This ruling applies to a "fiancee" just as much as it applies to any other unrelated man and woman.  One of the Hadîth which make this clear is: "A man cannot be alone with a woman except along with a mahram[of hers]"  [Bukhari & Muslim].

Touching

Obviously, since those "engaged" to be married have no legal relationship beyond any other strange man and woman, any form of touching between them is not allowed.  The Prophet (PBH) said: "For one of you to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle is better for him than to touch a woman who is not permissible to him" [Tabarani ].  

Phone Calls

All the scholars have pointed out that it is not proper or acceptable for "fiancees" to be alone together or to have numerous encounters for the purpose of "getting to know each other".  In fact, this is a horrible innovation that has spread among the Muslims.  It must always be remembered that until they are married, they are like any other unrelated men and women to each other and their actions must reflect that fact.

It is not allowed to be alone with, have telephone conversations or internet "chats" with unrelated men or women in order to "get to know each other".  Those intending marriage but as yet unmarried are in the exact same position. Such disobedience in the very course of seeking an act of obedience (marriage) very much in need of Allah's blessing can have serious and long lasting effects in the destruction of the marital relationship after that.  This is clearly the result of the similar "experiment" going in western societies over the last decades. Recently, the success rate of marriages in the U.S. dropped below 50%.  This in spite of complete freedom of the couple to "get to know each other" in every way and for as long as they wish before marriage.  Muslims need to wake up and take care.  

The Prophet (PBH) said: "You will follow the ways of those who came before you foot by foot and yard by yard and even if they go down a lizard's hole, you will follow them".

Recommended Steps

The following are important steps not only for those interested in getting married but also for any others involved in the process of facilitating a marriage. The entire process, in order to be successful with Allah's blessing, should be proper and consistent with the teachings of the Qur'an and the Sunnah. All other endeavors will lead to misery and discord.

Both spouses should seek to get married purely for Allah's pleasure and in order to fulfill the purpose of marriage in Islam. They must put full trust in Allah that if they do everything properly and in accordance to the Islamic law, then Allah will bless them with a good spouse and that any other approaches are falsehood and will not lead to Allah's blessing and success in marriage.

They should make supplication to Allah for a pious spouse who will aid them in their Islam and worship. They should be very patient. The process of marriage may take a long time especially in areas where Muslims are a small minority. They should seek help and advices from their parents and from married Muslim men and women. Both should pray 'Istakhara' to seek Allah's counsel.

Before the marriage contract, all dealings should be with the parents or responsible person, and no attempt should be made to strike up a relationship with the future spouse before the marriage. They should avoid all of the innovations surrounding marriage which are so widespread today.